This is all too familiar to me for my relationship w/ my Dad and my memories of him. He came from a poor background and as the oldest Son, he had to drop out of school in order to help support his family. I was often somewhat jealous of the close relationships some of my friends and cousins had w/ their Dads. As I grew older I slowly came to realize that while my Dad was far from perfect.,. He never once took to abusing my mom or me. I also later understood him a bit better when I saw that he simply worked himself to death, often 10-12 hours a day, 6 days a week in order to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. That might not seem like much by some standards today of what a parent should be. However 50 years ago, it was enough :) A few years before my Dad passed, he mentioned to me that he thought that I hated him. I told him straight off, NO, I did not hate him. I simply did not KNOW him. We were able to make up for some of that lost time :) I think it was in Steve Martin's movie , Parenthood one line that goes: You need a license to own a dog. But they let any damn fool become a parent,,.