I hope that you can find peace w/ regards to your gender identity. That is something thats not always easy, especially today. Just speaking for myself as a Transgender woman, I never felt entirely comfortable being, "one of the guys". Im far more at ease presenting as female in my appearance, and in my social and sexual roles. Being older(Im 61 BTW) and having transitioned only a few years ago. I know there will always be certain parts of my identity that will remain, male. I also know from having the persepctive of age, 50 years ago, gender roles were far more clearly defined, than is the case today. But they can also be unevenly enforced. Im even a bit jealous of how Cis women who can drift "outside of the lines" of typical gender roles, and seemingly pay little or no "penalty" for this. Where as with a guy, even today, if he gives the slightest indications of having any feminine characteristics, will face all sorts of questions about his masculinity.